As the end of another quarter draws close, I have been reflecting on the quick passage of time. It’s hard to believe there is only one more quarter of class while we embark on the journey of dissertation writing. This week was particularly stressful at work because I was working to wrap up assignments for the quarter, planning with my advisor, and conceptualizing the writing-heavy projects I have taken on at work (in addition to school)… needless to say, it’s been busy and I’ve had a few moments wherein I felt a sense of “drowning”. This feeling of being overwhelmed made me wonder: what am I getting out of all this hectic-ness and stress? And beyond that, how do I gain perspective on my own challenges and put them to useful practice in leading within my workplace?
This week was not only stressful for me, but I sensed that my colleagues were also feeling more pressure than usual. Perhaps our mental models shift when the world is in chaos, we are concerned for our fellow global-citizens across the Pacific, awaiting imminent tsunami’s on our own shores (could media be any more dramatic???), receiving/witnessing pink slips, hearing about potential changes in staffing and/or leadership, enduring budget crises, and endless other concerns. Are we just bombarded with too many pieces of information to possibly maintain a sense of normalcy? How do I go about my business, convincing students to pursue their education at my institution, when I know people are experiencing devastation across a body of water? Those, and other thoughts, flew through my head today as I tour-guided a large group of students around campus in the sunshine… my goodness what a life I am blessed to have.
Back to my organization, I have been thinking about mental models and how easy it is to get “stuck” in one approach or way of doing things. What would happen if unions questioned protocol and thought of a new way of doing business? What if administrative decision-makers adjusted their strategy? Is it even possible to find common ground, or are we destined to live in a world of discord? Is discord a good intellectual strategy for questioning, and should it, therefore, be embraced? My hunch is that discord in education in general, is more often a result of “more of the same” type of thinking as opposed to out-of-the-box innovative thinking.
This quarter has raised many questions for me, including, but not limited to:
What does it mean to be a leader?
How does one best approach leading a learning organization?
What theories of organizational development resonate with my schema and approach?
Can I maintain optimism in a field of frustration and challenge?
Am I meant to be a life-long educator????? (this might be the biggest question of all)… What happens if I decide at some point that I no longer want to be an educator?
I think I am over-thinking everything, and as I’ve said before, I feel that “questioning” increases with each course I take… the more I study, the less I know. I look back at my former certain-self and laugh at my naïveté – but I also long to have it back at time. The reality of being an educational leader is that I have to find a way to be optimistic and maintain high standards despite the dismal news around me; I need to believe in the cause of improving the lives of all students. Without that hope, what would I have? Perhaps the take-away is that if I ever lose the optimism or feel that I can no longer contribute positively to the field, it will be time for me to redirect my energies.
For now, I will keep on keepin’ on…
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